


i saw a shooting star and thought of you

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Codependency, M/M, No Sex, Sad Ending, Sad Harry, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 05:53:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2180427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Louis kind of just leaves and Harry is pondering life.<br/>A regular day in the life of Harry Styles, tbh.</p><p>(this goes absolutely no where)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i saw a shooting star and thought of you

"Wait, Haz is this yours or mine?" Louis turns to face the bed in which Harry is sprawled holding up a ratty old band t-shirt.  
"I don't know, Lou."  
Louis' eyebrows furrow as he tries to recall who's shirt he's holding. He stuffs in into the back of the drawer proceeding to sort the rest of their clothes.  
•  
Harry can still remember what Louis was wearing that day. His eyes were a little foggy, having just woken up but he can remember. He remembers the chaste kiss Louis pressed to his still swollen lips. The smell of sex and cologne radiating from Louis’ body in overwhelming waves, and it should have been disgusting, but it wasn’t. If he concentrates hard enough, Harry can hear the click of the door as Louis left.  
He should have seen it coming.  
If Harry allowed his emotions to be felt, he would feel the hurt. He would remember the feeling of desperation when it had been an hour and Louis still wasn’t back. Realization would hit him like tidal waves, and he’d quiver, then shudder and finally crumble.  
Fragility is just an idea, his mother had once told him. She said if you believe you are weak, you will be weak. So Harry believed himself strong, even as his heart shattered, and burned until all the remnants were ashes. He put a smile on his face and faced the world by himself.  
Vacancy had soon replaced the heartbreak. And Harry isn’t sure which is worst. Sometimes he thinks that he’d rather go through heartbreak twenty times, because then he would feel something. But then again, the amount of pain he felt during heartbreak was excruciating, to the point where it affected every single aspect of his life.  
Which lead Harry to wonder; when you lose the most important person in the world to you- where is all the love supposed to go? Because sometimes when he’s laying in their - his- bed, he doesn’t understand. He didn’t even know he was capable of such love until Louis. Where is it supposed to? Or, better yet, where did it go?  
There are nights where he wants to drown himself in alcohol. But those nights hurt the most, because its like his brain is a foreign part that he can’t control. And all he thinks is Louis, Louis, Louis. But the alcohol helps ease the ache in his chest. Is it unreasonable to think that maybe someday the alcohol will fill the vacancy? That’s why he keeps drinking. He doesn’t have a problem.  
Other nights, all Harry does is cry. Again, its the feeling of vacancy that gets to him. How is he supposed to lead a happy life when he can’t feel his heart? When all he feels is a fucking empty space because something is missing. He misses loving and being loved. He misses waking up to bright blue eyes in the morning, and going to bed with a tiny body pressed against his for warmth, cold ankles tucked between his calves.  
His friends and family are worried. He doesn’t go out much. Or wash his hair. He calls his mom less frequently than before. When they come by, he doesn’t open the door. He pretends he isn’t home by turning off the lights and hiding under his duvet. They know he’s home. Its been six months, he should be over him. But he’s not. Heartbreak doesn't have an expiration date.  
Harry wonders if Louis still thinks of him. Does he still write Harry’s name on everything with a little heart next to it? Does he still mumble Harry’s name in his sleep? The question Harry never asks, is if Louis has found someone else. And if he has, does that someone else kiss the inside of his thigh, like Harry did?  
“Look mate, its been six months.” Zayn doesn’t even bother knocking anymore, he knows Harry can still hear him. “Harry, we’re all worried about you. Please.” Zayn’s voice fails to remain even. “Harry, please.” Zayn is met by silence… again.  
Zayn leaves without another word.  
They go to Harry’s job sometimes. He’ll walk in one day and see Perrie in the corner of the shop just waiting for him. He doesn’t acknowledge her though, and pretends they weren’t best friends once. He made her cry one night in the alley right outside the books shop. He told her he didn’t want to be friends. That everyone important would just leave him and he’d be alone again. He screamed at her and said that if he grew too attached again, he’d end up with nothing. And willingly leaving them behind was easier than having them leave him behind. Perrie cried and said they’d never leave him, that they were best friends for a reason. But Louis had once been Harry’s best friend too, and hes gone. Perrie never tried again.  
Sometimes Niall would show up at the pub under Harry’s flat. He’d buy him a round but Harry never drank them. He felt a bit ashamed looking at Niall in the eye now. One night Niall came and brought Harry the beer himself. He said “Here mate, to forget.” Harry flipped shit, and threw the beer at Niall’s feet, the glass breaking. He then grabbed Niall by the collar, and Niall was too shell shocked to defend himself, so Harry punched him. Niall’s nose broke. Niall never approached Harry again. Harry does talk to Nick though, he's the only one that doesn't look at him with sympathetic eyes.  
It has been six months, but there isn’t a time specification for when you should be over a breakup. So Harry ignores time, and tries to focus on breathing properly in the shower, when memories are overwhelming his head.  
There are days when Harry sits in bed with his laptop on his lap and google searches 'how to get over a breakup'. Wikihow lies.  
It's not like Harry hasn't experienced heartbreak before. It's just there had never been so many memories and promises of infinities.  
It's not like he's always sad. Some days he wakes up before his alarm goes off and smiles. And maybe on those days his eyes are brighter, his strides longer and his heart just a bit lighter. But then he remembers and the weight of the world crashes down on his shoulders again.

•  
Harry takes a deep breath before deciding that, yes his outfit does look nice. A little voice in the back of his mind is saying "Harry, please, you look homeless." Harry tries not to recognize the voice as Chris. It's not hard because when he steps outside the sun is shining and the warmth fills the atmosphere. And yes he's listening to Ed Sheeran again, and no Chris didn't understand the lyrics but Harry does. Besides Chris is long gone and Harry is on his way to a date.  
Yeah, maybe it's a blind date but who cares, it's a date nonetheless. His names Louis Tomlinson, and he's to meet Harry at the local cafe in twenty minutes, Harry's walking.  
He hasn't really been on a date since Chris, who had left him questioning everything about himself. Did he really enjoy wearing blazers and chinos and converse on his feet resembling the kind of guy Chris wanted him to be? Or did he prefer band shirts, skinny jeans and (ok) converse (are the best shoes)? Today he decided on the latter, figuring that if the guy really liked him, it wouldn't matter what he was wearing. Harry Styles is eighteen, he's not looking for marriage there's plenty of fish in the sea.  
'give me love like her'.  
Harry reaches the cafe a full seven minutes before he's supposed to be there. He looks around the place, searching for the stripped shirt and red trousers Louis was "most likely to wear, I swear mate". Bingo.  
The infamous Louis Tomlinson is standing behind a chair, thin lip between his teeth gnawing on it gently. Harry tries not to blush because Louis' here even earlier than he is. He approaches him slowly and Louis just smiles. The smile where his eyes crinkle and the stars appear to live in the irises. Harry smiles back equally as enthusiastically and there's just beat of awkwardness before Louis pulls out the chair and motions for Harry to sit in it. A proper gentleman.

Twenty minutes later and Louis is laughing, his head tilted back as giggles erupt from his mouth. Harry smiles at him, pleased that his party joke has made someone laugh. Their cups of Yorkshire tea (Louis was adamant on Harry drinking it), long ago forgotten.  
Louis tries to control his laughter seeing as people are turning around to look at them.  
Harry's in love.  
Maybe it's too soon and maybe they've only known each other for 20 minutes but he's in love. He's in love with the way Louis laughs at his jokes, and pays the utmost attention to him. He's in love with the way Louis' eyes twinkle and sparkle and he's certain they are the answer to his prayers. And Louis is there, he's there. Louis holds his hand and tell him that yes, he too loves the Ginger Jesus. And he owns his record and can't wait for the second and that he is in love with Give Me Love. He tells him about Christmas at home with so much love and enthusiasm and mischief in his eyes that Harry wishes he could experience it with him. And in his mind Harry is going through so many scenarios of how Christmas at the Tomlinson's would go and he wants to be there.  
His brain is screaming at him to stop, that Chris was like this too. That Chris told him stories and made him feel warm and fuzzy. But Louis isn't Chris and Chris was a liar and his eyes deceived him. His eyes could be deceiving him agai-- no. Harry wouldn't compare Chris to every guy he meets, not anymore because that didn't help. Chris wasn't good for him.  
And so the date went on, and Harry almost let his thoughts on Chris slip and no longer become thoughts but formulated words. He's glad he didn't.  
Louis walks him home and Harry almost invites him in but he doesn't. Instead he let's (okay he wants it too) Louis lean in, and right when Harry lids flutter close, Louis chapped lips land on his cheeks.  
"I don't kiss on the first date," Louis whispers into his ear before walking away.  
But Harry does.  
•  
There's a balcony that connects to Harry's room, it's not much really (just adds to the amount Harry pays for rent). But sometimes, when Harry can't sleep at night he drags a couple blankets out and lays them on the floor. The view is pretty great, exposing the skyline but he's far enough from the city to still see the stars. Which he does some nights, just lays on the floor of the balcony and stares up.  
He looks at the balls of gas, as they shine. But stars don't actually shine do they, not in the glorified way. Stars are exploding balls of hydrogen and helium, always burning.  
Humans are like stars. Always suffering and burning and expanding. But eventually, like stars, humans will collapse in on themselves. And sure, people might still be able to see their light but eventually that light will die out.  
When we look out at the sky, at the stars that are burning high, we aren't looking at the present we're witnessing the past. And that's what's Harry likes about it. That he can look at the past, without having to remember.

**Author's Note:**

> you know, i thought this would go somewhere but it really just didn't and i didn't know where this story would go or how it would end and if i even felt okay with having louis leave for the reason that he did. so this is basically just a snippet of an au in which louis leaves and harry doesn't know what to do with himself.
> 
> also, children. never, ever become so dependent on someone that you feel like you lose everything and you feel like you can't do anything without them.
> 
> maybe if i had continued this Haz would've learned how to be independent.
> 
> thanks for reading!!


End file.
